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frightenedNow granted, when it comes to psychiatric treatment, I am not a nice person. I am angry, I am ruthless in achieving my goals, and I am a smartass. The shrinks don't like this. It hurts their feelings.
Thing is, my anger, my ruthlessness and my smartassery has done more for me than they ever have. They're what I turn on myself when dealing with things like my eating disorder, the urge to get drunk, the urge to cut up my arms, and strings of panic attacks or checking that stop me getting on with my day. When I'm tired and down and running on empty, I can throw them on and swirl them like a badass leather trenchcoat and they hold me up for a little bit longer. They're the autopilot I switch to when dealing with situations that would leave me a sobbing heap on the floor if I actually engaged emotionally. They're also pretty good for dealing with people who would otherwise walk all over my stated wishes with their professional status and their psychonormative privilege. They work.
So the prospect of ditching them, in order to spare the feelings of people who have done worse than nothing for me? Unlikely to go down well.
(This post was brought to you by this morning's upcoming psychiatric appointment.)
Thing is, my anger, my ruthlessness and my smartassery has done more for me than they ever have. They're what I turn on myself when dealing with things like my eating disorder, the urge to get drunk, the urge to cut up my arms, and strings of panic attacks or checking that stop me getting on with my day. When I'm tired and down and running on empty, I can throw them on and swirl them like a badass leather trenchcoat and they hold me up for a little bit longer. They're the autopilot I switch to when dealing with situations that would leave me a sobbing heap on the floor if I actually engaged emotionally. They're also pretty good for dealing with people who would otherwise walk all over my stated wishes with their professional status and their psychonormative privilege. They work.
So the prospect of ditching them, in order to spare the feelings of people who have done worse than nothing for me? Unlikely to go down well.
(This post was brought to you by this morning's upcoming psychiatric appointment.)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-20 10:49 am (UTC)