Dear filthy revolting inhabitants of Erdington, Birmingham

[frightened]

It is unseasonably warm and sunny. This means that people like me, who overheat easily and are trying to avoid being a Sweaty McStinkfeet, will be walking the pavements in sandals.

(For yes, trainers do actually come off! They are not welded to your feet until such time as they disintegrate from their own terrible fumes.)

Here is a typical, though not exhaustive, list of things I would rather not have near my naked toes:

• Pools of human piss, canine piss, Special Brew or White Lightning (the four are often indistinguishable)
  
• Lumps of phlegm in a saliva suspension
  
• Dog shit
  
• Used condoms

No love, for fear I might catch something,

Lorna

Comments

[gavagai]

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

Time for a renaissance of platform shoes in the area?

[frightened]

For serious. This is an area where one of my LJ-and-IRL friends was loudly verbally abused for - wait for it - cleaning up after her dog. They're proud of their horrible reesty motherfucker status!

(It's also an area where I swear to god you can tell the difference between natives and incomers by things like speed of movement, angle of hunchback, and degree of family resemblance to sexual partner. I avoid the high street whenever I can.)

[frightened]

... although it's not quite as bad as a school at the other end of the city, where it was part of the school nurse's job to break up student couples who were considered likely to be half-siblings due to roaming feral 'fathers'.